Friday, July 18, 2014

Trailer Review: Raja Natwarlal

So the same champak(Kunal Deshmukh) who gave us magnificent hits like Jannat, Jannat 2 & Tum Mile, is arriving with perhaps yet another movie that might just make Amitabh Bachchan cry.

From the trailer, I have a hunch that we won’t be needing to play any KBC to find out how well this movie’s going to turn out to be. I’ve high hopes from iconic actors like Paresh Rawal and Kay Kay Menon, but these are the same barely-paid actors who have done movies just to afford a bottle of tharra. Or a bottle of jadi-booti in Paresh Rawal’s case.

Cinematography & direction seems weak. Music will probably end up being every Emran Hasmi-fandom being’s favourite caller tune for the next couple of years before Kunal Deshmukh delivers yet another hysterical movie. Story concept is no rocket science, so it really all depends on how the film moulds up to be. Doubt I’ll be catching this in theatres though.

With whatever little ounce of faith I have left in movies, beer & humanityfood, I hope this movie does not turn out to be like the original Mr.Natwarlal starring Amitabh Bachchan, Rekha and Amjad Khan. The plots have little resemblance based on what I've seen in this trailer, but you never know. 

If not for anything, let's all chuck it and watch it for Deepak Tijori who is also in this movie. Why the blasphemy wasn't he in the trailer, I have no idea. Maybe the director played a game of Kabhi Haan Kabhi Na while deciding and poor Deepak, uski Tijori mein aaya Na.

Movie Release Date: 29 August 2014

First Look Poster: Emran Hasmi starring in & as: Raja Natwarlal. Kuch bhi kaho, hotness toh hai.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Movie Review: Ek Villain (2014)

Why anyone in their right-pea-sized-mind would ever expect a normal movie coming out of the Bhatt Camp is beyond me. Mohit Suri, one of the 1023456 adopted children of Mahesh Bhatt, clearly lives his life in spasms where he gets some hits such as Woh Lamhe, Kalyug, Murder 2 & my all-time-favourite Awara Pagal Deewana(aka. Mohit-Suri-Part-1-The-Only-Time-He-Gets-To-Be-A-Part-Of-Part-1) and then somealotmoremisses such as Aashiqui 2, Aashiqui 2, Aashiqui 2(thrice because my brain's having seizures too), Zeher, Raaz-god-knows-what-sherlock-Mystery-Continues and the best of the lot: Crook(this should be nominated for Oscars in Australia, Nicole Kidman & Hugh Jackman would be moved to tears till they had their own Ganges River).

With this in mind, I had very high expectations from this movie. Like it was char-botal-vodka-mixed-with-I-am-a-roadside-himesh-reshammiya-pankha high. Same way I admire Kamaal R Khan & his devoteddeshdrohi-twitter-fan-following.

Ek Villain, is one of those movies where they throw you with a verbal diarrhea of key words such as "ek" and "villain" in every millisecond of the movie. It was like Mohit Suri made this movie for an alzheimer's-stricken audience & just wanted to make sure nobody forgets what the title of the movie is and who is the "ek villain". WARNING: Parents, do NOT bring your kids to this movie. They will fail in whatever little bit mathematical and logic skills they have being confused with so many actors being the "ek villain" in the movie.

The best part about the movie is the music. The worst part about the movie is that somebody came alone, sitting at seat number B17, to watch this movie. Kidding, there is no worst part. There *are too many that I will just list them down without any spoilers(cos that's just not possible,there are seriously, there are none.) When they said it's a "romantic-thriller" on wiki, they lied. That was the suspense of the movie. Rather, the trick to get you to watch the movie. It's not even Halloween and Mohit Suri is playing Trick-or-Treat with us. So LS yaar. #delhiiteslang #jfgi

Ek Villain -
There's one in every story 
There are too-many-in-this-story-that-is-more-confusing-than-why-archana-puran-singh-is-always-laughing

1. Aside from a verbal diarrhea, the movie also features a light-eyes-orgasm where from the proantagonist(s) to the item number gujju-ben-turned-hotness prachi desai. Sowree-suri-missouri but I don't think your alzheimer's audience needed to know your brown eyes fetish. Actually I think I don't think anyone ever needed to know. Please keep them for your dates with Kamal R Khan. Also, you should listen to @asliyoyo's songs more properly. It is blue eyes hypnotize and brown rang. Duffer kahin ka.

2. Shraddha Kapoor looked amazingly hot with a flawless skin & energy of 10 combined Duracell bunnies, which is exactly how a cancer patient(her character in the movie and no, this is not a spoiler) looks, acts & feels like in real life. Also, her witty sense of humour will make All-India-Bakchod to come up with a viral video soon. That, or they're planning to give up their careers and take tuitions from her, especially how she maintains her nauseating squeaky tone pitch throughout the movie.

3. Siddharth Malhotra was ekdum tota in the movie. But we already know that. Why am I even bringing up this point? Also, I don't think this is a flaw. I think I forgot the flaw I wanted to point out in him. Probably because I didn't give a poop about his acting. He did the best he could, he survived. Miraculously, so did I.

4. Riteish Deshmukh. He is the batman-superman-I-dont-know-what-man of this movie. He's the screwdriverman..or the raincoatman. Shit I can't decide, this is depressing. He does successfully manage to give you the creeps in the movie. Watch out for that every time he changes into his cloak right in front of you and miraculously attains some divine powers, also known as the screwdriver. It'll move you to tears like how Rahul Gandhi's touching speech about his grandma-pappa-everyone-dying in an interview with Arnab Goswami did.

5. The story has been commercialised to an Aashiqui 2 extent which is what it was meant to do because well DUH, it's a BHATT CAMP MOVIE. Also, because the writer is Tushar Hiranandani, the Sindhi who has contributed movies like Grand Masti, Kyun Ho Gaya Na, ABCD, Housefull 2, F.A.L.T.U. and Main Tera Hero to Indian Cinema. The only one he wrote when he wasn't on LSD is Atithi Tum Kab Jaoge.

So the story of this movie went something like this:

At a bhel puri wala:
You: Bhaiyya ek bhel puri dena
Bhel puri wala: Ji didi, ismein main kheera tamatar, bhujia, chutney,chana,masala,bhagwaan,kola veri di, sab daalega. aapko pata hai har bhel puri mein yeh main padta hai aur iska secret ingredient hai mera paseena, kisiko na batana oh meri haseena kyunki o mere dil ke chain, chain aaye nahin dil ki dua ki jiye. kyunki yaari bina chain kahan re, woh toh bappi da ke galey mein rahe. woh bhi meri bhel puri kha ke itne khush ho gaye ki fooley na samaaye..literally didi..LOL.
You: ...
Bhel puri wala: :D :D :D 
You: ...
Bhel puri wala: :D :D :D *cue item song & dances*
You: ...
Bhel puri wala: :D :D :D 
You: I just want my bhel puri. :/ 
        I'm hungry. :/ 
       Please. :/ _/\_  
       Let me go. :/

6. Kamaal R Khan. He's the best actor in the movie, being true to all the things he stands for in life aka. "hot baby". Watch out for his amazing range of sunglasses, laughter & seeti-maar dialogues. Matlab stud hai yaar yeh, isne prove kar diya. #TeamKRK #socool #toocool #comedianoftheyear #letsstopthis.

This pretty much sums up the movie. I will confess I am addicted to their music, specifically Banjaara, Galliyaan & Awari. So if there's anyone who shouldn't be crying this movie happened is Ankit Tiwari, Mithoon & Soch The Band. You peeps are perhaps the only reason why some people went to watch this movie.

My rating: 2/5 stars. One for music and one for the hotness Shraddha-Sidharth have looked KRK.


Post-movie, background music during end credits: Teri galliyaan, galliyaan  galliyaan

Friend 1: Teri gaa-liyan, gaa-liyaan, teri gaa-liyaan. Mujhko bhaave, gaa-liyaan teri gaa-liyaan
:D :D :D

Me joining in: Teri daliyaa, daliyaa, teri daliyaa. Mujhko bhaave, daliyaa teri daliyaa.
:D :D :D

Thursday, April 24, 2014

5 Bakwas Bollywood Movies You Should NOT Watch in 2014

Some movie trailers entice you/seduce you to be absorbed into a cinematic experience. Not all of them turn out to be amazeballs, but well at least the Director & production team was smart enough to trick you into believing that.

And then there are some movie trailers that almost gave you cancer,HIV,tuberculosis,heart attack,head attack and let me just die right about now already. 

This is especially so in Bollywood, where every buffoon thinks he's gonna be the next Anurag Kashyap and ends up being more like Ram Gopal Verma, or better still - Subhash Ghai. As much as we all loved Ghai's movies a decade back, he is clearly still living in that decade given the kind of movies he produces now. 

You've got to be an absolute Ganvaar if you even considered watching these movies. Either that, or you're that teenage couple going to movies taking up the last row,corner couple seats. In that case, very wise decision, this are the movies you could plan out your makeoutmovie dates for.

So save yourself from dying & give these movies a miss.  

1) Purani Jeans

Issey wahiyaat trailer maine nahin dekha hoga. Matlab ultimate sardard. Kya hai yeh? Kyun hai yeh? Yeh sab sunne dekhne se pehle marr kyun nahin gayi mein?! Guys saying dialogues like "always keep the secrets,never spill the beans" and "best friends forever" in the midst of a jungle just made me lose faith in there being any single,straight men out there anymore. I'm now depressed. Cause of my death would be the dialogue-writer of this movie.

2) Heropanti

I was really curious to find out how Jaggu Dada's son would look like/turn out to be cos you know, usually senior actors ke bacchey turn out to be such hotbods. E.g. Varun Dhawan. Galti se bhi kisi ne nahin socha hoga ki Humpty Dumpty David Dhawan ka beta itna hot niklega.  If you still need more convincing, look at Sonam Kapoor, Arjun Kapoor, Alia Bhatt.

And then enters Tiger Shroff. Ek toh iska naam hee kutton wala hai. Matlab theekh hai,baccha badsurat hai tumhaara par aise doggie waley naam de kar bichaare ko aur pareshaan mat karo. As it is he has to deal with his face every day in the mirror. Don't add more misery to his life. But clearly Jackie Shroff has a different opinion or a set of eyes. and brains. But seriously? Whattheheck happened there? Was/Is Jackie Shroff married to a chinks that we don't know of? :O

Heropanti mein not only does Tiger Shrofff's looks disappoint, it's the moment he opens his mouth that tortures you on a different magnitude altogether. Ek toh itne ghatiya dialogues, uske upar se uska chehra, uske upar se uski dialogue delivery. Matlab endless faults. Only thing that looks good in the movie is action and cinematography. Which are going to be pointless because you rather just watch Dabangg or Rowdy Rathore again.

Look out for the dialogue "kya karoon, sabko ko aati nahin, meri jaati nahin". Itna bhaari dialogue iss chusey se karwa rahe ho. kyunkyunkyunkyunkyun*seela-from-mehta-kuch-nahin-kehta-style*(see this to know reference)

3) The Xpose

Iss trailer ki jitni tareef karo utni kam. Only good thing about this movie is that the trailer gives you a good laugh. Hadd chutiyaap. Everyone's spoofed,mocked about their dialogues and Hollywood imitations too much for me to repeat. I must say my favourite is Yo Yo Honey Singh staying true to his form when he says "iss duniya mein kapdon se zyada mard badalti ho".

4) Mastram

WARNING: This is MC-18 content.
DOUBLE WARNING: One of the worst story ideas every crafted. Or attempted. Or I don't know what to call this.

So women(most at least) aren't going to watch such movies because we our idea of attending to our emotions and hormones is watching Aisha with a tub of ice cream. As for men, well they'd find this amusing but pakka guarantee hai ki isey hall mein toh koi dekhega nahin. Jahan itne GB/TB porn download kar liya, wahin se yeh movie bhi download karke dekh lenge.

Funny irony( or coincidence) - Yo Yo Honey Singh's Achko Machko song, essentially a remix of a Gujju folk song has been used in this trailer. I don't have anything to say except 3 words - Dandiya Nights, Gujurat.

5) Kaanchi

This is one of those movies where the story concept is fundamentally good but poorly developed. High time Subhash Ghai realised that having your leading heroine's first name starting with M does not guarantee success. Not for your movie and neither for your actress. I thought he pretty much figured that out with Mahima Chaudhary. But I'm guessing he's suffering from Alzheimer's. While we are talking about his formula for "hit films", let's also pray he wakes up one day and realises that making a guest appearance in your own movies isn't helping his luck at all. If anything, it is just freaking the popcorn out of my popcorn combo meal.

Upar se Dance India Dance ki aadhi team (i.e. Jay Bhanushali & Mithun) iss film mein featured hai. Koi inse pooch lo yaar yeh movie serious movie hai ya dance kompuhteeshan.

Again, the dialogues are what makes this trailer so ridiculous.


Friday, April 18, 2014

Movie Review: 2 States

If you've read the novel, you'll agree that 2 States is one of Chetan Bhagat's best bed-time stories written for 18-year-olds & above ever. It's a love story that connected with quite a number of darkness-meets-fairness couples in India. Also led to the contribution of fair&lovely creams' sales and trolling jokes on punjabis/northindians & southindians/tamilians/whateveryourbreediscalled.

So usually, the global trend is that a movie based on a novel can never be as good as the novel because duh, you cannot produce a 567803 pages novel into a 3 hours movie, even if you make an epic trilogy out of it like LOTR. Imagine the troubles Sooraj Barjatya & Karan Johar would have if they were given a task of converting such novels into movies. They would've joined Ekta Kapoor League (EKL) by now. But then Sanjay Leela Bhansali's already in it aur ek jungle mein 3 gadhe nahin ho sakte.

But if it's a novel as thick as 100 pages like Chetan Bhagat's, trend says movie is going to be 100x better than the novel, unless we are talking about One Night at the Call Centre. The movie was 100x worse than the novel. Oh well, I guess that's one of the same things. To no hallelujahs then, 2 States as a movie was spectacular. It's definitely going to be one of my all-time favourite romantic hindi movies.

2 States is paced rightly, capturing the timeline of the leading protagonists' life from college to  being married perfectly. Abhishek Varman has directed the movie almost-perfectly (minor flaws i.e. too much dramatisation here & there). Alia Bhatt & Arjun Kapoor should be applauded for their acting or I wouldn't be surprised if they were playing themselves. Except neither of them would ever qualify intellectually so perhaps they were acting for some part. Their stylist should be given an award for making them look like college kids though at times I felt Arjun's wardrobe was still too cool for an IIT graduate doing his MBA from IIM, but I'm willing to overlook that simply because he's eyegasm for Indian women.

I love the music except for Iski Uski. Shahid Mallya's voice on Arjun Kapoor was as bad as Rabbi Sheirgill's voice on SRK in Jab Tak Hai Jaan i.e. Level Mismatched Frog Croaking. On top of that, the song's not catchy nor was it a visual treat. This is perhaps one of the most disappointing music I've heard from Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy trio. Amitabh Bhattacharya, what were you thinking penning down the lyrics for this? Was Siddhu sitting beside you? Were you watching a match? Was it KRK's influence? Was it? WAS it? WAS IT? THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW! INDIA NEEDS AN ANSWER!

Ronit Roy, in his guest appearance of a role, reprised his character from Udaan and gave it a delightful twist. Unlike in Udaan, his character in this movie lives in shades of grey and grows with the movie. Your faith in actors,humanity,beer,hotness,everything is restored when you watch him on screen. His on-screen wife played by Amrita Singh in the movie did an excellent job in portraying a typical Punjabi mom. You hate her in the movie not because her acting is irritating but her character makes you want to pull your hair strings in frustration.

Baaki sab toh sahi hai, but here's a couple of minor flaws:
1. Where Krish (Arjun) proposes Ananya(Alia). Too dramatic. We accept the singing and dancing drama but this was ridiculously chu-panti.
2. Without trying to give a spoiler, the thing Krish does when he has dinner with Ananya's family after Ananya's mother sings on-stage.
3. The counsellor in the movie was as redundant as Sonakshi Sinha's forehead in every movie she does.

Short mein kaho toh,
Hilarious,witty dialogues, Brilliant performances by leads & supporting cast,  Catchy music, Well-edited, Smartly directed & great cinematography.

My rating: 3.5/5 stars
It's definitely worth a watch in theatres! Especially if you're a south indian-north indian couple. Or any other mix couple. Or any couple. Anyone seriously.

P.S. - That awkward moment when you realise Amrita Singh is the same chick Saif Ali Khan was once married to while watching the movie. #wtfhappenedthere

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Quick Look: Queen,Shaadi Ke Side Effects,Hasee Toh Phasee

You know that moment when you realise you're too lazy to take out time to write an extensive review because you've a job and a social life commonly known as binge drinking on weekends like you live-in-Beverly-Hills syndrome,that's when you sit in the toilet and have a eureka moment on why not just write short reviews and put them up together for a post.

You kill two green piggies with one yellow angry bird -
1. You get to still live your passion of writing reviews.
2. You don't have to feel guilty about those beers.

So on this note,here's me starting a quick review column. It'll have three-four movie reviews. Giving you options to figure out which movie you wanna watch over the weekend..or not to bang your head into. 

A quirky, funky movie with a déjà vu of English Vinglish background score,Queen is a movie that'll get you laughing at how desi desis can be abroad..AND in India. Kangana Ranaut's portrayal of a west Delhi girl is perfect to the Rajori Garden. Ditto for her sidekick. No one knows this better than me who has cousins in west Delhi. Nothing to be proud of,I live with it. I don't know how they do though. 

The movie has been directed brilliantly. The manner in which the story unfolds itself is smooth,crisp and grasping. Amit Trivedi's musical touch gives you an ear-orgasm as usual. Dialogues are witty enough for the filmy keeda loser in you to repeat in front of others and make yourself laugh if not those others. Which will eventually lead you to again quoting a dialogue from the movie "ki mera sense of humour kitna funny hai". 

Having said all that, it has it's reminiscents of a typical chick flick. I wouldn't even call it a Desi touch. It's just got one of those fantasy moments like the one in Cocktail between Padukone and Paenty (P&P) where one party animal P helps out a random Desi P in a foreign country. Because that's exactly what the cheerleader of my high school did with me. Or the one where you meet 3 random guys in Germany who turn out to be their racial/national stereotypes and being nicer than SRK in Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi. So it has it's ridiculous flaws but you forgive them because it's got Ranaut and Raj Kumar Rao(in a guest-you-love-but-are-supposed-to-hate appearance). 

But you should watch the movie because of its endings. The strengths make you want to overlook the flaws because of its strong ending. So go watch this movie. 

My rating: 3.5/5 stars 

Shaadi Ke Side Effects.

If you've watched Pyaar Ke Side Effects, you would've already equated Rahul Bose as one of the men you love in your life(even if you're a guy yes). His portrayal of a typical ladka with a typical bandi in a typical setting was so remarkable that it inspired many non-typical ladke to become that and ruined relationships happily ever thereafter. The chemistry, the music,the wit that Pyaar Ke Side Effects possesses is perfecto, raising up the bar for its sequel.

Shaadi Ke Side Effects, surprisingly doesn't disappoint. It's almost-at-par with the original in terms of wit, Farhan Akhtar played out his character effortlessly making you also fall in love with him all over again. The concept of playing two gender stereotypes,mocking them yet secretly groaning in agreement with them was well played out by the two leads - Farhan & FatsoAuntyVidya.

While the movie was overall directed smartly, the stylist could've chosen to make Vidya look less fat,less aunty,less loud,less everythingsheis,less her,more someone else,chosen someone else. This is not because I have anything against the fashion she sashayed in, but for the love of being focused in the movie and not be distracted by her OTT/bizzare dressing. I cannot listen to what you have to say Aunty if you're gonna be dressed like that.

All bakchodi aside, the movie starts out well,crisis hits at the right time but just as I was going to say the ending was a perfect landing, there comes a little turbulence right before the ending. The twist-in-the-twist they bring towards the end of the movie was empty-popcorn-dabba-crushing stupid. It was redundant,cliched and baby-puke-worthy(that curdle curdle milky stuff they throw up).

On a big-fat-whole(to accommodate Aunty), movie's worth a watch, though not necessarily for all audiences. Only reason I was laughing hysterically at some of the jokes was because I have spent more time with babies in the past few months than with humans. Farhan's funny, music's fab, stereotype-mocking-humour was impeccable. Wait for a good rip or for it to be shown on TV though. Not a theatre watch..unless you're a couple-going-into-parenthood. Actually no,not even then. Just might not be appropriate. :/

My rating: 3/5 stars

Hasee Toh Phasee.

This movie is your Centerfresh cheeinggum. It isn't your quintessential love rom-com. It is,but it isn't. It is, by Hollywood standards but not by Desi standards. Parineeti's acting is commendable given how I expected her to play the same role as in Shudh Desi Romance as in Ladies vs Ricky Behl as whichoneamimissingouttheyallseemthesame. Even chest-showing,body-showing,showing-show-off boy from SOTY acted fairly well given his limited lack of muscles-trained-in-acting.

Siddharth and Parineeti had a better chemistry than the Parineeti-Sushant kisses did in Shudh Desi Romance. The story crafted is light, cheeky and peppy. Vinil Mathew is one of those mid-grounders in the league of Ayan Mukherjee. He's blended the two worlds of bollywood and reality smooth though at times I was resorting to "kya yaar..kya hai yeh..kyun hai yeh" in some scenes but it's all forgiven given I don't think Mathew was aiming to clinch an Oscar with such a movie or even make it there to have a selfie.

Music is your cliched v-day-catchy stuff you hear every time you got a chick/guy, you broke up, you got laid, you listened to it on a random day like some time in feb. It's awesome but with a low shelf-life. I like that Ishq Bulaava track though. Sanam Puri's got me hooked to his voice off lately.

So go watch the movie if you think you still dig young,stupid,hopeless,timepass romance. The movie's not for your parents or your toddlers. Nor is it for those of you who do not understand Bollywood tadka.

My rating: 3/5 stars.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Movie Review: Gunday

This was one of the movies I had huge hopes from. Hopes bigger than Sonakshi's forehead & Hrithik's biceps. This was despite knowing that it's written & directed by maha-sardard champak Ali Abas Zafar(same guy who made Mere Brother Ki Dulhan). Ali is that wannabe coolness which oozes out of Dehradun in childhood and was later on dumped to a random DU ka college-which-only-KRK-would've-heard-of when his super-rich parents couldn't stand him anymore.

It probably went something like this -:

Ali(5 years old): Mumma mumma mekko movie banana hai
Mumma: cute my bachaaa..of course tu bade ho kar star banega
Pappa: Hahahahha..good good..ya go make me another peg of JD.

Ali(13 years old): Mom I have this amazing idea yo..I wanna make movies..I think I can make movies better than these peeps in Bollywood ya.
Mom: cute my bachaaa..of course tu bade ho kar star banega
Dad: Pehn de takke army kya tera pyoh join kar da si? Chal aur ice daal iss peg mein.

Ali(18 years old): Mom you have to have to send me to DU. That's the shitz yo. Jugaad lagaao na.
Mom: cute my bachaa..of course tu bade ho kar star banega
Dad: Bhainskieyes tumse na ho paayega. Ja yaar..paka diya. Acha jaatey jaatey ek peg aur banaata hua ja. Lagaata hoon judaad.

Ali is that mid-grounder who fails to give you the right blend of fiction and reality. When you watch the trailer of Gunday, you are given these false expectations of an amazing cinematic experience. Not just because it has two brazen hot bods with the right amount of facial hair running and smiling and tungtungtungtung, but because the trailer promised you an action-packed fun-filled twisted story of 2 goons. The trailer was well-composed and it pretty much ends there. 

You would've had a lot more fun watching the trailer than to have sat through the entire movie. While the first half is decent,the second half is full of cliches. From Priyanka's evolution of character to Arjun's wicked-smile-creepy-face. The background score is fantastic, the Bikram-Bala(can't remember which one is which) chemistry was more sizzling than any of theirs with Priyanka. The cinematography(Aseem Mishra) was mediocre with some moments of greatness. What really makes you cry is the poor, immature screenplay. 

Do not even taken into account Irrfan Khan starring in it given his role was as small as Katrina's in Dhoom 3. I'm guessing he took up this commercial to make some pocket money since all the other movies he seem to be doing are offbeat cinema. The Lunchbox doesn't exactly seem like a movie which paid him anything except for a money plant. 

Somewhere, you begin to also feel if Bikram-Bala are trying to pull off a Jai-Veeru in the second half which is just messed up because A. You can't remember to save a life who is Bala and who is Bikram and B. You thought they were pulling off a modern-day Ramayan somewhere in between. Ali attempts to write a stronger screenplay but falls flat on his dumbface. It's like he attempted to pull off an Ramesh Taurani with Mere Brother Ki Dulhan and then thought he might just get some success in being the next Tigmanshu Dhulia. Hate to add to your masala misery but sorry Ali baba, you're just failing in acting as a director too. Just staaaahp it. Staaaaahp staaahp staaaaaaaaarghhhhhthisisspartaaaaa. 

In short, Catchy-retro Music, Good Acting, Meh Cinematography, Meh Storyline, Meh Direction,Meh Editing.

My rating: 2.5/5 stars

Sohail Sen has given some great dhinchak songs. If not for Ranveer-Arjun, I would've not even watched this movie. I wouldn't even have given it 2.5 stars.  The movie tries to resurrect the feel of 70s-80s Indian Cinema,but somehow disappoints in its resurrection. Decent attempt. I have to say it's quite an improvement from MBKD Mr.Ali. 

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Movie Review: Highway


Amongst many commercial directors & art-film directors, therein lies the "mid-grounders". The mid-grounders are directors who fuse the two polar opposites of cinema. Sometimes, this kind of cinema works for the audiences, sometimes it doesn't. It's like how you need the right amount of sugar,spice and everything nice PLUS Chemical SEX to make Alia,Kareena & Deepika. There are those other times they just fail like a champu trying to pataao Uttam Nagar ki item.


Highway is a movie that is going to strike a chord with travel junkies. It would either give them an orgasm or might just prove to be a dream gone bad like travelling through the pretty mountains & pop appears Subhash Ghai's face saying bazinga!

I love Imtiaz Ali. Not just for his perfect features and face and uncanny hotness, but also for his writing style,direction & height. Right from his directorial debut Socha Na Tha, he pretty much nails it in being the perfect mid-grounder. His movies have a hint of fictiondesi-drama in a pseudo-realistic setting. He's been said to extract the most juice out of his actors and that couldn't be more true 'cept in the case of Nargis Fakhri. But it's okay, we all make mistakes. We're willing to overlook one duckface.

In essence, Highway is a National Geographic Travel Documentary meets Bollywood Drama. If I was the Indian Tourism Board, I would've made Imtiaz Ali the brand ambassador of India by now. He should be the face of Incredible India! & "oh look mountains in India!" & "oh look chinky-people in our country speaking hindi!". With all those dopey eyes & curly-bush-of-hair, you can't blame him for the *cough*high*cough* he gets from mountains. Anil Mehta, the cinematographer, has done an impeccable job in relaying that love for India's beauty through his lens. FYI, he's the same dude behind the lens for Rockstar, JTHJ, Veer-Zaara, Wake Up Sid & so many more. Check out his Wiki page.

The movie touches on a refreshing subject and sheds light into an unknown territory. No, by territory I don't just mean undiscovered parts of India, I also refer to the unspoken bitter reality of kidnapping & highway goons. Playing on the themes of crime,travel,family,fear & love, the story has been paced rightly. It evolves smoothly, Hooda as expectedly essaying the character of a random highway-goon & Alia shocking the eye-sockets out of you with her impressive acting. She's never looked prettier & more innocent. Her face was so raw and the nostrils-flaring talent was something I squealed at and would like to nose-five with her for. The supporting cast,i.e. the Hooda-the-hotness ke gang ke laundey, were cheeky in their own way.

What brought the movie to another level altogether was A R Rahman's music. Don't know how this legend always does it but I guess that's what makes him a legend. His music was perfectly-in-sync with the roads & beauty of India. I can bet my almost 11,000 tweets' life that Highway is the music album every desi is gonna be listening to when they're on the highways of India. Especially Patakha Guddi & Mahi Ve. I still can't decided which version of Patakha Guddi I love more. It's soulful, it's catchy, it's upbeat and I haven't even praised the lords enough for Irshad Kamil's magical lyrics. For the socially-awkward person that Irshad Kamil is, he's quite the man with the pen in his hands. I don't know how I'd ever speak to him though..or thank him. I think they invented social media for him. Something to hide behind and yet communicate. Funnily enough, he isn't very active on social media. Okay now seriously,how does one talk to this guy? AND get him to write songs for you. AND not just songs,MIND-BLOWING songs usually.

So the music's great, cinematography on another level altogether, acting by leads was pretty convincing too. The flaws lie in the screenplay. Some of the reactions that Alia gives as an abducted young girl was very filmy. Last time I checked, an abducted girl isn't exactly Miss Chatterbox extracted from Mr & Miss Little series. Neither does a kidnapper ever turn into a little crier,least of all in the midst of kidnapping. Especially not a Haryanvi kidnapper. Oh but then again, a Haryanvi kidnapper is never this hot whom you'd die to be kidnapped from and fall madly in love with and want to marry and have 500 bacchey.  The movie also side-tracks to an episode of Satyamev Jayate Season 1 in the middle of nowhere, which was as random as Baba Sehgal's tweets. It took my friend and I a whole minute in figuring out whatthedouchery is happening. When we did figure out and thought(aloud) the response which Hooda should be giving to Alia on that randomness, we burst into laughter for being so in-sync with such humour.

Alia: *insert episode of satyamav jayate in the middle of kidnapping which has no link to being kidnapped or anything*
Hooda: Silent, stares
Friend 1 & I(as Hooda): Cool. Good to know.
*insert hi-5s and chuckles too loud*
Random audience mein baithi huyi ladi in the row infront: Excuse me, could you please keep your volume down.
Me: Sorry.
Friend 2: Sshhh..aunty police bula legi
*insert more khikhikhikhikhikhikhi*

It felt good to be in primary school again for that moment.

In a truck-shell, Scenic cinematography, Soulful Music, Smart Direction, Impressive Alia, Expectedly-Great Hooda, Refreshing Storyline, Some-Really-Witty-Dialogues

My rating: 3/5 stars.
It's worth a watch,but not necessarily in theatres. Watch it on your 42-inch Plasma TV at home.



I love mid-grounders like Ayan Mukherjee & Imtiaz Ali. They bring you into this "fantasy world" with good-looking male leads and everyone else is so good-looking that it's like you're in charlie & the chocolate factory for life. On a serious note, you have to give it to Imtiaz for capturing love in the most bizzare of situations so finely. It's an art to master.