Tuesday, October 9, 2012

That C-Grade Arrangement,A-Grade Ghazal Maestro's Performance.

Dad-to-Mom: I'm getting complimentary tickets to Pankaj Udhas Concert. Would Isha and you be interested?
Mom-to-Dad: Haan haan le lo..chal lenge(Read:yeah please do take it because it is free.why is this even a valid question?!)
Dad-to-Mom: Ok I will get 2.
Mom-to-me: Isha tere Daddy ko Pankaj Udhas concert ki 2 tickets free mil rahi hain..chalegi?(Read:Isha,I'm asking you a rhetorical question:Would you accompany me to anywhere-in-the-world-because-your-dad-got-free-passes?)
Me-to-Mom: Af-Course chaloongi. (Read: there was no typo in Af-course.That's just how you're supposed to pronounce it when you're interacting with your Indian parent.)

And then Dad says he will be free to go for the concert. So plan change: Mom & Dad will go. And then Dad says he will try to arrange for one more ticket for his daughter he loves oh-so-much-that-he-has-to-make-sure-she-reaps-the-benefits-of-a-complementary-ticket-to-a-Pankaj-Udhas-Concert. Because you know..her daughter is so old that she is 22-years-OLD and she needs to attend a Ghazal concert on a Friday night instead of just watching a kickass Hollwood/Bollywood Movie or drowning her liver in an infinite pool of impure drinks with a bunch of lunatics she calls her friends.

So after a lot of back-and-forth conversation,finally it is settled that I have to grace the occasion as well. Okay, I may sound like an Anti-Ghazal typical Gen Y kid(which now when I think about,I should be.Heck maybe I am a generation behind. Explains the lack of friends within the age bracket of my social circle. *eurekamomentoftheday*squealsofjoy*), but I am not. I actually enjoy some Ghazals from time to time. Mostly the renowned ones...you know..the ones found in bollywood movies..but this is besides the point. The point is, I discovered that a good friend of mine was also stuck in a similar family obligatory situation(kind of things we kids do nowadays for parents.if only parents knew.sigh). Except,his parents ditched him for some ABC-they-are-smart-and-enjoy-torturing-their-kids-like-any-indian-parent-XYZ reason. So dancing on the chancing,I decided to ditch my mom-dad and sit with friend Vinayak and his brother. They didn't appreciate this at all,let me assure you that. I even got dubious looks from my mom pre-and-present-and-post-show.

Now let the show begins!
And begins it does!

Now for a Ghazal Masetro such as Pankaj Udhas,you'd think they'd have the decency to hold the event at a respectable,classy place such as The Esplanade or heck,if you're concerned about having a small,*niche* audience(balding men with overly dressed aunties..make that double if we are looking at Sindhis),then perhaps at DBS Auditorium or something. But oh how could we expect such level of intelligence from Indian event organisers. So we ended up watching in a never-before-heard-of auditorium called Shine Auditorium in Shaw Towers. Let me enlighten those who're clueless about Shaw Towers. Shaw Towers houses corporate offices,is pretty-much rundown and has Jade Cinema(where Bollywood movies are screened). Jade Cinema's two theatres are a journey through a big hollow haunted house in itself. One of them is better by 0.01cm though.

These are the main points I took away from this concert:

1. Presenter 1: hello and welcome...yada yada yada...ladies and gentlemen please welcome on stage Pankaj Udhasji.
Presenter 2: yada yada..helloIhaveasqueakyirritatingvoice..yada    yada..IdontknowhowIamqualifiedtobeanRJ..yada yada..Ihaveasenseofhumourthatwouldkilldeadpeopleagain..yada yada..please welcome aspiring Ghazal singer Ravin Raj on stage.
*holysmolywhattheeffs moment #1* *messedupmuch*

2. Wannabe reached a new level of degree with Ravin Raj's Ghazal performance. He pronounced joom instead of JHoom and bool instead of BHool. That's the sort of problems I encounter with the primary 1 kid who I teach Hindi. On top of that, he had no range of voice. He was like a Flat Sprite. Like flatter than flatrons(ifyouknowwhatImean) flat. Obviously this is something you can't even expect at a minimum level from an *aspiring* Ghazal singer. I just have too high expectations.

3. Wannabe Ravin Raj's English was even more fabulous. Before he began to ruin the evergreen classic Yeh Daulat Bhi Le Lo, he says - let me now sing a NOSTALAGICAL song. (I felt my heart being stabbed like how Faisal Khan shoots Ramadhir Singh in GOW 2.) If I was one of the event organisers, I'd have gifted him an Oxford Dictionary as a token of appreciation,along with a Hindi Pronounciations 101 book.

4. Wannabe Ravin Raj's singlish accent only deteriorated his murderous command of English. What made it funnier was when he decides to introduce his "friends" on the musical instruments...and then FORGETS the name of one of them. Epic Win. *two thumbs up*

5. RJ-Presenter Renuka makes way too many blunders for me to even list all. That woman has the capacity to bring down the entire women's race just by opening her mouth. She's the sort who could give Aishwarya Rai's hyena laugh a run for her redundant-husband-ABJr.

6. Pankaj Udhas is a walking-talking oxymoron. For a person with the surname Udhas,he always has a smile on his face. Even when he isn't smiling,it seems like he is smiling. Not that I am complaining. His performance was an utter delight to watch and listen. He was the only saving grace about the entire evening.

7. Funny thing Pankaj Udhas said on-stage: feels good to be back to Singapore..duniya ka "sabse khoobsurat sheher". I think I snorted out aloud at that point. I like his sense of humour.

8. In one of his ghazals, there is a line that goes - hum bhi pagal ho jaayenge,aisa lagta hai. Cue:Anu Mallik. Cue: Har Dil Jo Pyaar Karega movie. Cue: Aatey Jaatey Jo Milta Hai song. Cue: Almost-same line-hum toh pagal ho jaayenge,aisa lagta hai. *holysmolywhattheeffs moment #2*

9. Besides the fact that they chose a shady place to hold a concert of a legendary Ghazal Maestro, had messed up irritating presenters, had a wannabe ghazal singer perform before the maestro, their food arrangement was overpriced as usual. More importantly, they did not provide whiskey to enjoy a Ghazal evening. Someone please tell me how is anyone supposed to enjoy a ghazal without some warmth in the belly because of a good ol' scotch or a decent whiskey?! pleasetellmeplease.

10. Icing on the cherry-and-strawberry-smeared-cake: Advertisements. Now because they had a wide rang of sponsors and had to make as much money as they could(I am beginning to get a feeling the organisers were either baniye or gujjus. possibly sindhi also though..but sindhis have class usually..*usually*), they had advertisements being screened on the only large screen they had on the centre stage,sort of directly above Pankaj Udhas. From time to time,they showed the face of the Ghazal Maestro. Other then that, audience that was getting bored or sleepy by the ghazals were made to stay awake by the distracting(and even disturbing at times) ads. Ads ranged from being about spices to maths tuition your indian child needs to let's go to a Dance Bar called Club Colaba. Brownie points earned for understanding that they are addressing a family audience and that kids would show excitement at the visuals of bar dance girls. And all along, Pankaj Udhas thought people were cheering for him. Little did he know. Sigh.

That be alls.



P.S: Only time the event team was good in managing was its facilitators who were quick to jump and stop you from video recording or photography. So very cool.

1 comment:

  1. Loved reading every bit of it..!! Keep it up girl.. :)