Friday, October 26, 2012

What Not To Do As A Celebrity: Raghu Ram Leads By Example!

He may not be the epitome of coolness for all of us...okay he shouldn't be for any-of-us. Really. NO REALLY. Even before this latest shooting-myself-in-the-mouth-and-then-stabbing-my-balls-brains-heart-to-death move that he made, he was still cool,but not exactly the *epitome* of coolness. He basically created a revolution in India for all those college dropouts/rejects to have their shot at making big[because media industry is that sleazy and requires that low qualifications for you to make it through.whydidIchoosetodomasscomm.whywhywhywhywhy].

He ACTUALLY became cool because he's hot-tempered and disposes vulgarity as easily as Satish Shah had a spitting power in Main Hoon Na. He has this cool demeanor of having a misdemeanor [too much irony and paradox going on there] that got nutcases[Including me.But I have had a thing for bad boys/rebels.Also,mine lasted for a very short period of time.By the time I discovered him,I was already half-way through disliking him.so yeah.] coming together to create a fan base for the Bad-Ass-Kick-Ass facade he'd created in front of MTVIndiageneration. Little did the nutcases know that it WAS JUST A FACADE. He's FAAAAAAR from being cool and whatever little doubt they had on his identity crisis,just got resolved with this sexy move he made on Twitter.

So I,who followED him,decided to get out of my half-lying-down-half-only-head-up position on the bed to sitting up and quickly screenshotting-and-cropping-and-editing this uglydouchebag-what's-his-face's tweets. I shan't say no more & let you witness the collateral damage he's done to his publicity-gone-wrong campaign. If you don't get what's wrong in it & have sympathies with his tweets, I'll make it a point to shoot your face and dunk it in poop and be fed to the cannibals. Two birds with one stone I kill - you're dead & I've given cannibals a bad meal.

With immediate effect,Raghu Ram unfollowed. Like A BOSS WISE YOUTH.

Click on the photo and read from left to right,bottom to top order:


oh-kuh-tock-uh-doodley-byes.

insaneintelligence.

p.s: I could almost visualise Raghu Ram crying while he tweeted away. It's a very funny visual when you think of the juxtaposition of his trademark evil grin while making Roadies cry & him crying while MTV,RannVijay & the toli replicate his trademark evil grin. OHHH..BURN! B-)

p.p.s: Check out his Twitter handle: tweetfromRaghu. So unoriginal. I don't know why I followed him in the first place. urghh. *bad-ass boy image shattered to bits & pieces till bits & pieces disappeared*

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Movie Review: English Vinglish

A refreshing subject, a mesmerising actress & a really really really really really really adorable little child actor. This basically sums up the reasons so as to why English Vinglish deserves a watch.
From Sridevi's "two drops of coffee in a cloud of milk" pretty face to her natural acting, she proves that she may be from yesteryears,but she is still DA BOMB!

Movie is women-oriented(if you haven't had the two cents to guess it by the trailers & posters by now) and the message that it delivers is so simple,that it usually goes unnoticed in our lives. The underlying conditions for that to be true is that A.You're an Indian, B.You live in India..okay not necessarily..but mostly relevant to India. And C.You've a mommy who's a forever damsel-in-distress because that's what Ekta Kapoor(Maneater wh*re who's topping my #HITANDHATE list a.t.m) has etched as the definition of an "ideal bahu", in most of their(mommies) emotional hearts & heads.

They've kept it simple,realistic & pleasant. It's a good watch. Not that I'm being "judgemental",but men won't like the film as much as women will. It's about us. DUH we're bound to like it more. The most messed up part about this fact,is that even a 16-year-old Indian girl would say "yeah man..totally..like I can so connect with Sridevi's character". Why of course you can. Marriages & pregnancies with a family to take care of and you being a mute,reserved & easily-dominated wife is something you experience at your age nowadays. That's the norm. Like village-culture's back yo! **Right at this moment,a 16-year-old butts in:Yo B*tch!Everything's fine but we don't do marriages.Don't ever insult our pea-sized brains to commit such a horrendous mistake of getting MARRIED and THEN have babies!**

So the point is that yes,Indian women are likely to enjoy this movie more because we feel like we can "connect" to it better than those M.C.Ps we have in our lives.*snorts* Middle-aged Indian women would especially be able to relate to this movie,while at the same time,I would say children might also be able to relate to this movie. Either they'd feel remorseful and cry their eyes out for being such inconsiderate little brats towards their moms. Or they'd suddenly appreciate their moms more and get all teary-eyed. In any case, it's a win-win situation for Indian moms. Hence if I was a mom, I'd have made my kid watch this movie the minute he/she was born. To instill the emotions of care,concern,respect towards me of course,not fear. Most definitely not fear...of the consequences of repeatedly humiliating me publicly ever. No,no,that would've never been my agenda.

From what my sister tells me, Director Gauri Shinde is from Advertising background. That makes her the 2nd director from Advertising to have delivered such a brilliant concept. First was Shoojit Sircar/Juhi Chaturvedi to have delivered Vicky Donor. It is precisely for this creative backgrounds they hail from that compels me to be biased towards them. They dare to experiment & explore unknown territories. So kudos to such emerging talents! In the day & age of Tees Maar Khan, we could definitely do with a bit of Vicky Donors & English Vinglishs to save us from losing full faith in Indian Cinema.

In short,
refreshing screenplay,good direction,pleasant background score,witty scripting & classy cinematography.
My Rating: 3.5/5..+.5 for Sridevi's simple,classic beauty = 4/5.
This one's not really a theatre-worth watch though.

P.S - 'two drops of coffee in a cloud of milk' is how Sridevi is described by one of her classmates in English lessons. This ain't no spoiler. No really.
Also, "judgemental" is only a pun you'd understand after watching the movie. So go watch it to get what I mean.

P.P.S - I know I've only mentioned the little child actor who plays Sridevi's son in the movie once but man he's adorable! He is the sort you'd wanna steal away from the world and keep him all to yourself. I could hug him and kiss him and cuddle him all day long. Aw man. I sound like such a typical girl. But heck. I've a soft spot for little ones and he just took it all with him! Adorability at its best!

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

That C-Grade Arrangement,A-Grade Ghazal Maestro's Performance.

Dad-to-Mom: I'm getting complimentary tickets to Pankaj Udhas Concert. Would Isha and you be interested?
Mom-to-Dad: Haan haan le lo..chal lenge(Read:yeah please do take it because it is free.why is this even a valid question?!)
Dad-to-Mom: Ok I will get 2.
Mom-to-me: Isha tere Daddy ko Pankaj Udhas concert ki 2 tickets free mil rahi hain..chalegi?(Read:Isha,I'm asking you a rhetorical question:Would you accompany me to anywhere-in-the-world-because-your-dad-got-free-passes?)
Me-to-Mom: Af-Course chaloongi. (Read: there was no typo in Af-course.That's just how you're supposed to pronounce it when you're interacting with your Indian parent.)

And then Dad says he will be free to go for the concert. So plan change: Mom & Dad will go. And then Dad says he will try to arrange for one more ticket for his daughter he loves oh-so-much-that-he-has-to-make-sure-she-reaps-the-benefits-of-a-complementary-ticket-to-a-Pankaj-Udhas-Concert. Because you know..her daughter is so old that she is 22-years-OLD and she needs to attend a Ghazal concert on a Friday night instead of just watching a kickass Hollwood/Bollywood Movie or drowning her liver in an infinite pool of impure drinks with a bunch of lunatics she calls her friends.

So after a lot of back-and-forth conversation,finally it is settled that I have to grace the occasion as well. Okay, I may sound like an Anti-Ghazal typical Gen Y kid(which now when I think about,I should be.Heck maybe I am a generation behind. Explains the lack of friends within the age bracket of my social circle. *eurekamomentoftheday*squealsofjoy*), but I am not. I actually enjoy some Ghazals from time to time. Mostly the renowned ones...you know..the ones found in bollywood movies..but this is besides the point. The point is, I discovered that a good friend of mine was also stuck in a similar family obligatory situation(kind of things we kids do nowadays for parents.if only parents knew.sigh). Except,his parents ditched him for some ABC-they-are-smart-and-enjoy-torturing-their-kids-like-any-indian-parent-XYZ reason. So dancing on the chancing,I decided to ditch my mom-dad and sit with friend Vinayak and his brother. They didn't appreciate this at all,let me assure you that. I even got dubious looks from my mom pre-and-present-and-post-show.

Now let the show begins!
And begins it does!

Now for a Ghazal Masetro such as Pankaj Udhas,you'd think they'd have the decency to hold the event at a respectable,classy place such as The Esplanade or heck,if you're concerned about having a small,*niche* audience(balding men with overly dressed aunties..make that double if we are looking at Sindhis),then perhaps at DBS Auditorium or something. But oh how could we expect such level of intelligence from Indian event organisers. So we ended up watching in a never-before-heard-of auditorium called Shine Auditorium in Shaw Towers. Let me enlighten those who're clueless about Shaw Towers. Shaw Towers houses corporate offices,is pretty-much rundown and has Jade Cinema(where Bollywood movies are screened). Jade Cinema's two theatres are a journey through a big hollow haunted house in itself. One of them is better by 0.01cm though.

These are the main points I took away from this concert:

1. Presenter 1: hello and welcome...yada yada yada...ladies and gentlemen please welcome on stage Pankaj Udhasji.
Presenter 2: yada yada..helloIhaveasqueakyirritatingvoice..yada    yada..IdontknowhowIamqualifiedtobeanRJ..yada yada..Ihaveasenseofhumourthatwouldkilldeadpeopleagain..yada yada..please welcome aspiring Ghazal singer Ravin Raj on stage.
*holysmolywhattheeffs moment #1* *messedupmuch*

2. Wannabe reached a new level of degree with Ravin Raj's Ghazal performance. He pronounced joom instead of JHoom and bool instead of BHool. That's the sort of problems I encounter with the primary 1 kid who I teach Hindi. On top of that, he had no range of voice. He was like a Flat Sprite. Like flatter than flatrons(ifyouknowwhatImean) flat. Obviously this is something you can't even expect at a minimum level from an *aspiring* Ghazal singer. I just have too high expectations.

3. Wannabe Ravin Raj's English was even more fabulous. Before he began to ruin the evergreen classic Yeh Daulat Bhi Le Lo, he says - let me now sing a NOSTALAGICAL song. (I felt my heart being stabbed like how Faisal Khan shoots Ramadhir Singh in GOW 2.) If I was one of the event organisers, I'd have gifted him an Oxford Dictionary as a token of appreciation,along with a Hindi Pronounciations 101 book.

4. Wannabe Ravin Raj's singlish accent only deteriorated his murderous command of English. What made it funnier was when he decides to introduce his "friends" on the musical instruments...and then FORGETS the name of one of them. Epic Win. *two thumbs up*

5. RJ-Presenter Renuka makes way too many blunders for me to even list all. That woman has the capacity to bring down the entire women's race just by opening her mouth. She's the sort who could give Aishwarya Rai's hyena laugh a run for her redundant-husband-ABJr.

6. Pankaj Udhas is a walking-talking oxymoron. For a person with the surname Udhas,he always has a smile on his face. Even when he isn't smiling,it seems like he is smiling. Not that I am complaining. His performance was an utter delight to watch and listen. He was the only saving grace about the entire evening.

7. Funny thing Pankaj Udhas said on-stage: feels good to be back to Singapore..duniya ka "sabse khoobsurat sheher". I think I snorted out aloud at that point. I like his sense of humour.

8. In one of his ghazals, there is a line that goes - hum bhi pagal ho jaayenge,aisa lagta hai. Cue:Anu Mallik. Cue: Har Dil Jo Pyaar Karega movie. Cue: Aatey Jaatey Jo Milta Hai song. Cue: Almost-same line-hum toh pagal ho jaayenge,aisa lagta hai. *holysmolywhattheeffs moment #2*

9. Besides the fact that they chose a shady place to hold a concert of a legendary Ghazal Maestro, had messed up irritating presenters, had a wannabe ghazal singer perform before the maestro, their food arrangement was overpriced as usual. More importantly, they did not provide whiskey to enjoy a Ghazal evening. Someone please tell me how is anyone supposed to enjoy a ghazal without some warmth in the belly because of a good ol' scotch or a decent whiskey?! pleasetellmeplease.

10. Icing on the cherry-and-strawberry-smeared-cake: Advertisements. Now because they had a wide rang of sponsors and had to make as much money as they could(I am beginning to get a feeling the organisers were either baniye or gujjus. possibly sindhi also though..but sindhis have class usually..*usually*), they had advertisements being screened on the only large screen they had on the centre stage,sort of directly above Pankaj Udhas. From time to time,they showed the face of the Ghazal Maestro. Other then that, audience that was getting bored or sleepy by the ghazals were made to stay awake by the distracting(and even disturbing at times) ads. Ads ranged from being about spices to maths tuition your indian child needs to let's go to a Dance Bar called Club Colaba. Brownie points earned for understanding that they are addressing a family audience and that kids would show excitement at the visuals of bar dance girls. And all along, Pankaj Udhas thought people were cheering for him. Little did he know. Sigh.



That be alls.

oh-kuh-tock-a-doodley-byes.

insaneintelligence.

P.S: Only time the event team was good in managing was its facilitators who were quick to jump and stop you from video recording or photography. So very cool.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Movie Review: Barfi!

Barfi - True to its title,it's a sugar-sweet,honey-coated movie. This one leaves you with a smile on your face. A complete feel-good enthralling 151 minutes package which makes you believe in the notion of "innocent-love" all over again.

Ranbir Kapoor & Priyanka Chopra have given outstanding performances! Deep respect for them, more-so for the director Anurag Basu. Even for the love cynics,it's bound to strike a chord with your stone-walled hearts & make you re-visit your belief(or lack of rather) in love.

Brilliant screenplay,Amazing direction,Impressive acting,enchanting music & flawless cinematography.

My rating: This movie is certainly a 5/5 stars for me. I'm adding it to my list of anytime/anyday movies-watch. (:

Movie Review: Gangs of Wasseypur (1 & 2)

If you aren't a fan of Anurag Kashyap already, then you're stupid. Also,this movie will make sure you become one.

 Gangs of Wasseypur I - Setting the mood,characters & story baseline of the arising conflict,GoW-I transports you into a land of crime,vengeance,family rivalries,politics,power & a crude dialect that would never fail to amuse you. It's raw,it's dirty & it's damn right a b*tch-in-your-face! By the end of GoW-I,you'd be so aroused by its *sexuality* that you'd be anticipating GoW 2 before you even know it!

 Gangs of Wasseypur II - DOUBLE the power,DOUBLE the trouble,Double the action,TRIPLE the fun factor! From witty one-liners to a comical-confusion killing scene,GoW 2 keeps you glued to the screen. It makes you a sadist for laughing on the sickest & most evil of things. Vengeance, Betrayal, Romance & Power-play has never been infused and played out so well before! It's the sort of movie that'll make you clap & whistle at every other scene from the pun-intended dialogues & style that impresses you on a different scale altogether! In totality - Excellent screenplay,Mind-blowing dialogues,Superb direction,Perfect Background Score & Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaduuuu acting by the main leads!

 My rating - 6/5 stars. This is perhaps our answer to The Godfather trilogy?

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Please Read. Just Read. Okay Read.

Hello einsteins & newtons,this is your Eureka! discovery moment of the day if you've just stumbled upon this blog. It promises to be all about entertainment, and that nosy-neighbour you can't stop hating.

While this blog will mostly contain movie reviews(pre-dominantly Bollywood. Can't help it. I'm an Indian. It is what I was born to do i.e. watch Bollywood movies & then b***h about them),it might have an occasional random-topic discussion such as how my mom can sniff alcohol off my liver from a 100 miles radius and the-very-little-travelling I get to do(for the time being).

So far,so good.

oh-kuh-tock-a-doodley-byes.

insaneintelligence.

p.s:
A little bit about my pseudonym(in case you're a dimwit,it's that name I just signed off with):
I thought of it for myself back in 2007 when I first got myself a blog. It's a highly self-evaluated image that I've crafted of myself in my head. It is not to be mistaken for my alter ego which is a notch vainer,delusional & cynical. This information is completely irrelevant and insignificant. It is only to feed those jobless,meaningless emptyheads' curiosities who're awe-struck with me as much as I am by myself.