Thursday, October 17, 2013

Movie Review: Boss (2013)

By now,and by now I mean post-Ready-Dabangg2-Bodyguard-Rowdy Rathore-Joker-Poker-Fucker, you should stop having expectations from movies in this genre. You know they're going to be RGV meets David Dhawan mashup ft DJ Duffer.

Koschan is,if they've reached a new degree of hell or maintained with the status quo or it's find-a-unicorn-day. Hence you watch such movies to find the answers to such higher callings. 

The answer I found is above maintaining the status quo and below unicorns. Boss is Akshay Kumar's Haryanvi throw-up of Dabangg with extra senti-chutiyapa. Mithun plays that annoying father as was Dimple playing that annoying mother in Dabangg whose death you rejoiced in that movie. Sadly Anthony D'souza didn't allow you to rejoice Boss ke pappa ki death in this movie. 

The movie has it's funny moments. Akshay Kumar plays himself,the Haryanvi gunda who makes sleek,funny dialogues that make you chuckle or even maaro Desi style seeti. My favorite being "behen ki lorry" and "power-plant". The other time you'll love him is when he's fighting off losers-from-tollykollymollywood-orsomepartofBihar and he has this cheeky smile on his face that makes him look like that neighbour's toddler who has a mischievous smile on his face because he just peed on your welcome carpet. There's this sequence of action which adapts elements of Free Running,it was one of the coolest and refreshing action scenes I've seen from recent Bollywood movies. 

Ronit Roy plays this badass villain,an extension of his role in Udaan. Ronit Roy is perhaps one of the only few villains I could stand on-screen in such movies apart from Sonu Sood's hot bod. This is perhaps the first masala flick where the villain strips and quarter-shows off(and then later semi-shows off) his body before the hero of the movie does. 'Twas kinda fun watching the haryanvi-cheeky-yo-yo-honey-singh's-BFF fighting with RishabhBajaj-MihirVirani-protagonist-turned-antagonist.

Shiv Pandit, being an actor I like after watching his performance in Shaitan as the protagonist-turned-antagonist, did a decent job in this movie as well. In the most unconventional way, I find him good-looking. He's no Ranbir Kapoor, but he's got an expressive face as well as a good physique. I think it's mostly the latter which makes me feel he's good-looking. He didn't do much in this movie but whatever he did, didn't make you feel like throwing rotten eggs at him. I hope to see him more, in better movies though.

Now let's come to the points why this movie made you almost barff out that Subway sandwich you sneaked into the theatre-:

1. Too much flashback. It was senti overdose with half the movie being in flashback. It's almost like the writers(Farhad-Sajid) mixed up garam masala for salt. The film was overdose on sodium which is only something you want to have with tequila shots. Clearly their wives left them for being such horrible cooks. Now those ladies are sitting in some bar having tequila shots without salt because they already had enough of it earlier thanks to ex-hubbies.

2. Too much senti in the present day. Mithun Chakraborty makes you want to pull your hair out after a certain point. You feel like grabbing him by the collar and saying CHUPHOJAAAAABUDDHEEEEE. KITNAROYEGAKITNAAAAAAAARRGHHHHHTHISISSPARTAAAAA.

3. You don't get why Johnny Lever was hired to play his non-existent part. I'm pretty sure there're enough extras or wannabe actors who'd do his part for free in the movie. A comedian you once loved,has become a redundant novel you won't ever look at forget reading.

4.  Too slow. Thanks to the flashback(the biggest setback), this movie tests your patience like the way you wait after an exam to get out of the hall & the teachers take all their time to verify the number of answer sheets collected with RFID tagging & any other possible sadistic measures. By the end of the movie, you realise grown-up Boss(Akshay Kumar) had less screen time than kid-Boss(some kid).

5. Aditi Rao Hydari is perhaps the first female who doesn't carry off a bikini because being slim doesn't guarantee sexy stupido. Anyone who thinks she did this "stunt" of revealing & blah blah-she's-so-wannabe, need to know that it didn't work for her so don't cry so much. Leave her pear-shaped body to herself to weep over.

6. **This is no spoiler** There is this scene where Ankita(Aditi Rao Hydari)'s brother(Ronit Roy) locks her in the house, disallowing her to meet her love interest Shiv(Shiv Pandit). Which is stupid because hello?? Which century do you live in pear-shaped-woman?? Sneaking out's the deal yo.*Jesse Pinkman style* So anyways, Ankita's very smart friend hatches a plan to help these lovebirds meet and cooks up a story to her brother ki their friend "Shivani's mother is in ICU and they NEED to be there with her". Okay firstly, SHIVANI?? REALLY? How the heck can one not see through that lie is beyond me. What makes it worse is that not only her usually-shown-to-be-uber-smart-villainous-brother realise the reference to Shiv, the next scene shows Ankita GENUINELY concerned about their friend Shivani's mom. WOW. Full marks for being a pear-shaped-gadhi. Secondly, why the hell does Ankita need to go visit Shivani's mummy in ICU? Surgeon thodi na hai jo uskey aane se mummy bach jaayegi??! dumbdumbdumbbbbb.

7. Prabhu Deva's guest appearance in that remake of apdi-podi-podi-somethingsomething song just makes you feel like immediately going to the nearest graveyard and burying that dance he does. Moving your body like a rubber band or Babool chewing gum doesn't make you an awesome dancer. It makes you a wannabe gymnast. Grow up tambi.

8. Sonakshi Sinha's forehead is where the party happened all night which ruined that party because her forehead proved to be too big & oily. People slipped off it without even starting on the yo-yo-honey-singh-pegs.

In short,
Witty Dialogues for Akshay & Ronit, Mediocre Direction, Cliched Cinematography, Catchy-but-low-shelf-life Music & Horrendous Editing.
My rating: 2.5/5 stars.

If you're an Akshay Kumar fan, go catch it in the theatres. Otherwise, wait for the World TV Premiere on Colours/any one of those Viacom18 channels. It's a timepass movie. Better than his past few movies but not exactly amazeballs. 

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