Friday, October 18, 2013

Movie Review: Gravity

When I first watched the trailer of Gravity, I remember agreeing with a friend that either this movie would be awesomeshizzles or it'd be the biggest let down in recent times. This movie is what you get when you put a producer(David Heyman) who has spent his entire production works on that weird-specsy Harry Potter series & a director(Alfonso CuarĂ³n) who has worked on one of those Potter movies and also,is Mexican. The last time I remembered someone from Mexico, it was Corona ExtraGustavo 'Gus' Fring on Breaking Bad. No wait, oh yeah that's about it. The combination of such expertise results in a movie which is neither realistic nor a fantasy fiction of my dreams.

I watched Gravity in 3D Atmos. My Facebook newsfeed was already flooded with people-I-call-my-friends yapping on & on about how amazingly Greek-Gods-of-this-movie was. Moreover, iMDb's millions of users have given it 8.7/10 star rating. Clearly, I was thrilled like a teenager in a rock concert to watch this movie. I remember cleaning my 3D glasses with a special soft cloth before the movie multiple times until it was more hygienic than those germs-free floors they show on Dettol's commercial, just so that I could completely submerge in this outer space uber-duber-cool sounding movie.

Much to my dismay, the movie was all-effects & no story. Before all you smarties start judging me to find this movie a disappointment, hear my arguments out -:

1. The movie had practically no storyline. We spend 90 minutes watching Sandra Bullock being a stupid female who has a constipated face as she has in all her other movies. We watch her character Ryan Stone fighting off so many space debris, it was almost as if the space was taking out their anger on her for becoming an astronaut. If Newton was watching this in his grave, he was probably thanking the Gods that there was no gravity in space & probably tweeted "LOL. Stupid blonde".

2. As long as George Clooney was the Looney Toon(Clooney-Looneyyy.Get it?Get it? Get it? Okay nevermind otherwise) in the movie, there was still a reason to watch the movie. The moment his character is off, you pretty much have every reason to snore away in the remainder of the movie. It gets a little depressing to watch Bullock attempting to be smart,and then turning suicidal but then becoming the Bruce Willis of the movie.

3. I love the effects, I love the mini-ride to space this movie gives you. It's like the child in you is going "woahhhhhhh...soooo cooooool...I feel like I'm floatingggggg..wooooohoooooo...weeeeheeeee..heeeehaawwwww". Yes yes, all very good. But if you're rating a movie amazing on the basis of its audio-visual treat, then I hate to burst your bubble, but I think they made a Science Centre for that reason where you can do this drifting-into-space(literally). Not sure about other countries, but at least in Singapore, we have Singapore Science Centre where there's a an omni-theatre in which they give you a ride to outer-space & even show you the various star constellations. I think I'd prefer that to watching this absurdly abstract movie.

4. The cliched racist jokes on Chinese when she's to interact with a Chinese Satellite & they don't know a word of English and the WhitesvsAsian stereotypical mockery was as redundant as Justin Bieber pouncing on every chance to show his body in a desperate attempt to prove that he's not gay. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Seriously.

**Spoiler Alert!**Skip to the next paragraph if you don't want to know the ending**
5. The ending. My goodness. The fact that she miraculously survived this brought tears to my eyes,but not of joy but rather the degree of ridicule it possessed. Given the kind of logic they were trying to go with in the movie, there is no way in hell she could've survived, especially given her stupidity. ESPECIALLY.

I remember in the middle of the movie, one of my friends actually got up to go & attend nature's call. When he came back 5 minutes later, the movie was exactly where he left off. I can never forget the disappointment on his face, as much as I can't remember watching the movie itself with any interest.

The movie should be applauded for its digital effects, its cinematography. However, if you want me to say this was cinematic brilliance? That this movie deserves a standing ovation? Well then, you're probably a teenager who is yet to watch enough movies to make a sensible judgment, hence I forgive you. The story isn't gripping enough to make it a must-watch. Emmanuel Lubezki did a commendable job in providing you with the closest-possible experience of outer space. I'd even give a round of slow-claps to Alfonso for smartly directing the moves of astronauts, it isn't easy & all-constipation-aside, Bullock & Clooney did a great job behaving like they're in space. I can only imagine all the hardwork that went in choreographing the moves. If only he paid a little more attention to Bullock's expressions.

In a nutshell,
Smart Direction, Weak Editing, Impressive Cinematography, Let-down Screenplay & a Well-Suited Background Score.
My rating: 3/5 stars. 
It's a decent watch for those who dig 3D effects & animation. Otherwise, not exactly the movie you can't live without watching.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Movie Review: Boss (2013)

By now,and by now I mean post-Ready-Dabangg2-Bodyguard-Rowdy Rathore-Joker-Poker-Fucker, you should stop having expectations from movies in this genre. You know they're going to be RGV meets David Dhawan mashup ft DJ Duffer.

Koschan is,if they've reached a new degree of hell or maintained with the status quo or it's find-a-unicorn-day. Hence you watch such movies to find the answers to such higher callings. 

The answer I found is above maintaining the status quo and below unicorns. Boss is Akshay Kumar's Haryanvi throw-up of Dabangg with extra senti-chutiyapa. Mithun plays that annoying father as was Dimple playing that annoying mother in Dabangg whose death you rejoiced in that movie. Sadly Anthony D'souza didn't allow you to rejoice Boss ke pappa ki death in this movie. 

The movie has it's funny moments. Akshay Kumar plays himself,the Haryanvi gunda who makes sleek,funny dialogues that make you chuckle or even maaro Desi style seeti. My favorite being "behen ki lorry" and "power-plant". The other time you'll love him is when he's fighting off losers-from-tollykollymollywood-orsomepartofBihar and he has this cheeky smile on his face that makes him look like that neighbour's toddler who has a mischievous smile on his face because he just peed on your welcome carpet. There's this sequence of action which adapts elements of Free Running,it was one of the coolest and refreshing action scenes I've seen from recent Bollywood movies. 

Ronit Roy plays this badass villain,an extension of his role in Udaan. Ronit Roy is perhaps one of the only few villains I could stand on-screen in such movies apart from Sonu Sood's hot bod. This is perhaps the first masala flick where the villain strips and quarter-shows off(and then later semi-shows off) his body before the hero of the movie does. 'Twas kinda fun watching the haryanvi-cheeky-yo-yo-honey-singh's-BFF fighting with RishabhBajaj-MihirVirani-protagonist-turned-antagonist.

Shiv Pandit, being an actor I like after watching his performance in Shaitan as the protagonist-turned-antagonist, did a decent job in this movie as well. In the most unconventional way, I find him good-looking. He's no Ranbir Kapoor, but he's got an expressive face as well as a good physique. I think it's mostly the latter which makes me feel he's good-looking. He didn't do much in this movie but whatever he did, didn't make you feel like throwing rotten eggs at him. I hope to see him more, in better movies though.

Now let's come to the points why this movie made you almost barff out that Subway sandwich you sneaked into the theatre-:

1. Too much flashback. It was senti overdose with half the movie being in flashback. It's almost like the writers(Farhad-Sajid) mixed up garam masala for salt. The film was overdose on sodium which is only something you want to have with tequila shots. Clearly their wives left them for being such horrible cooks. Now those ladies are sitting in some bar having tequila shots without salt because they already had enough of it earlier thanks to ex-hubbies.

2. Too much senti in the present day. Mithun Chakraborty makes you want to pull your hair out after a certain point. You feel like grabbing him by the collar and saying CHUPHOJAAAAABUDDHEEEEE. KITNAROYEGAKITNAAAAAAAARRGHHHHHTHISISSPARTAAAAA.

3. You don't get why Johnny Lever was hired to play his non-existent part. I'm pretty sure there're enough extras or wannabe actors who'd do his part for free in the movie. A comedian you once loved,has become a redundant novel you won't ever look at forget reading.

4.  Too slow. Thanks to the flashback(the biggest setback), this movie tests your patience like the way you wait after an exam to get out of the hall & the teachers take all their time to verify the number of answer sheets collected with RFID tagging & any other possible sadistic measures. By the end of the movie, you realise grown-up Boss(Akshay Kumar) had less screen time than kid-Boss(some kid).

5. Aditi Rao Hydari is perhaps the first female who doesn't carry off a bikini because being slim doesn't guarantee sexy stupido. Anyone who thinks she did this "stunt" of revealing & blah blah-she's-so-wannabe, need to know that it didn't work for her so don't cry so much. Leave her pear-shaped body to herself to weep over.

6. **This is no spoiler** There is this scene where Ankita(Aditi Rao Hydari)'s brother(Ronit Roy) locks her in the house, disallowing her to meet her love interest Shiv(Shiv Pandit). Which is stupid because hello?? Which century do you live in pear-shaped-woman?? Sneaking out's the deal yo.*Jesse Pinkman style* So anyways, Ankita's very smart friend hatches a plan to help these lovebirds meet and cooks up a story to her brother ki their friend "Shivani's mother is in ICU and they NEED to be there with her". Okay firstly, SHIVANI?? REALLY? How the heck can one not see through that lie is beyond me. What makes it worse is that not only her usually-shown-to-be-uber-smart-villainous-brother realise the reference to Shiv, the next scene shows Ankita GENUINELY concerned about their friend Shivani's mom. WOW. Full marks for being a pear-shaped-gadhi. Secondly, why the hell does Ankita need to go visit Shivani's mummy in ICU? Surgeon thodi na hai jo uskey aane se mummy bach jaayegi??! dumbdumbdumbbbbb.

7. Prabhu Deva's guest appearance in that remake of apdi-podi-podi-somethingsomething song just makes you feel like immediately going to the nearest graveyard and burying that dance he does. Moving your body like a rubber band or Babool chewing gum doesn't make you an awesome dancer. It makes you a wannabe gymnast. Grow up tambi.

8. Sonakshi Sinha's forehead is where the party happened all night which ruined that party because her forehead proved to be too big & oily. People slipped off it without even starting on the yo-yo-honey-singh-pegs.

In short,
Witty Dialogues for Akshay & Ronit, Mediocre Direction, Cliched Cinematography, Catchy-but-low-shelf-life Music & Horrendous Editing.
My rating: 2.5/5 stars.

If you're an Akshay Kumar fan, go catch it in the theatres. Otherwise, wait for the World TV Premiere on Colours/any one of those Viacom18 channels. It's a timepass movie. Better than his past few movies but not exactly amazeballs.